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The Summons of Love$
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Mari Ruti

Print publication date: 2011

Print ISBN-13: 9780231158169

Published to Columbia Scholarship Online: November 2015

DOI: 10.7312/columbia/9780231158169.001.0001

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(p.158) Conclusion
The Summons of Love

Mari Ruti

Columbia University Press

This concluding chapter links the occurrence of hurtful memories that recur to most people in a relationship, to their tendency to idealize their loved ones. Painful memoirs of a relationship are so powerful that the person loved in the present always in some ways reincarnates memories of the person loved in the past. Given this tendency, people would try to imagine every possibility of avoiding the recurrence of such traumatic experience, prompting them to idealize their loved one. This instance also explains why relational ideals are never static even if they tend to center around a specific longing about a person. In the same way that human life consists of an open-ended process of becoming, relational desires keep themselves in response to the appearance of new objects and stimuli triggered by painful experiences.

Keywords:   memories, experience, relational ideals, relational desires, longing

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